You Never Know. November.

There are some things in life you never know.

like the exact moment you'll expire. Or when the ones you love will expire for that matter.
or like why truly crazy people really do crazy things.
another one is, why you didn't know better when you felt should have.

Out of all of the things we'll never know I take comfort in the the things I absolutely do know.
Like music. My whole family has it. Music as the beast that lulls me to sleep and gives me purpose everyday. Eating well. Avoiding processed and fried food to feel human. No good ever comes from it. Or yoga, the one place where I am completely alone and a part of everything at the same time. Or my dog, who adopted me and gives me a motherly purpose. Or my boyfriend who came to me masked in friendship, musicianship and a couple of years of complete insanity to develop in one of the deepest human relationships I know. Or my friends some of who are passed away. Some of who are far away and some of who are sitting in the room with me at this very moment. Or my mom, My best friend of all. Or the fact that i miss my father and my Amy and my Liz everyday. Or that I wonder what it would have been like to have grandparents. Or the fact that Taylor's parents are some of the sweetest supportive extended family I have ever known. Or my siblings, who at times seem like we are a part of different worlds forged from the same wood. or the ocean and that it calls me home every time. Or the city, where I feel like I am gently hovering above the atmosphere soaring above the city lights which lull me to the most amazing pastimes.  These things I know.

I also know that sitting here on recording day 10 I am having a hard time putting things into perspective. This process is almost over. It has been a dreary, rainy day and the song we recorded today is a sober ballad that pull at my deepest heart strings. I love city. I love this entire process. I don't want it to end but at the same time I am so inspired I can not wait to get home and start some new things.  I am not sure I will ever know some things but I do know that this blog cannot properly contain the amount of inspiration, gratitude and quietness tis is resting in my heart. I felt it in my root chakra. I felt it in my bowels. I knew it before I could explain it. I am not a number. I am not a consumer. I am a person. I explain my existence through art, music and improving my community the best ways I know how. And it's ok if you don't understand. It's ok if you don't approve. because I do.
That I do know. That I will always know.
(I have not poof read this, I am sorry.)

Breathless, Senseless and out of Words. Thank You.

I have sat on the idea of writing this blog since we reached more than a quarter of our  Kickstarter goal for recording our new album in the first 8 hours. I have been reluctant to start it because I have found I have been at a loss for words. Somehow solely saying  Thank You doesn't feel worthy enough. How can I properly express to you, and our fans what your belief in our music does for me as a person, a woman, a musician and a human? So, here I am giving this another try. (And, THANK YOU.)

I often have friends tell me that I should write a book or some memoirs. That the experiences I have lived in my life, people would be interested in hearing. That it would make a good film or TV drama. It's weird to hear, because frankly sometimes I wonder why anyone would be interested at all. That thought doesn't come from a place of insecurity or low self-esteem but from a place where I realize that there are millions of people in this world with stories of their own. Our stories aren't special, it's what those stories inspire us to become.  Perhaps one day I'll tell you about my life growing up in a family of musicians, not having roots for many years, my battles with drugs and alcohol, or the multiple deaths that bring me tears even as I type this. Until that day, I am just going to speak about the aspects in which most of you know me - my place and experience in This Way to the EGRESS.  (and btw, Thank You)

Photo Credit: Matt Blum of Lightly Salted Photos

Almost 7 years ago, after my father died,  I left my hometown in hopes to leave my demons behind me and find a sort of new musical family. That is when I met Taylor. The second I met him I knew that we needed to be working together. It was rather cosmic really, I couldn't explain it, I just felt as though I had already knew him. Never once when I met him did the thought enter my mind that he would also become one of my best friends and life partner and that over time it would grow to be one of the most functional personal relationships I'd ever have AND get to share my passion for music and our band with someone who means this much to me. Through out the life of EGRESS we have had many faces come and go. Not only in members but also in friends that took an active role in the development and support of EGRESS. It is amazing to me how every. single. one of them have a piece of my heart, very specific memories I carry of them and how their time with me in this project has molded me into who I am now. (Thank You)

See, I had been in many other projects prior to EGRESS but none of them had taught me the amount of self-awareness that you need to make a creative project work with so many other people. In the last year alone the band has gone through some major transitions. Ones that have majorly molded the sound of the new album and the dialog and relationships between all of us. Monumental changes that sometimes blur the lines between friend and band mate but changes that  have ultimately made me look deeper into myself and discover what foot print I am trying to leave. In the beginning of the band I had no understanding of balance. I was so ambitious that I ended up missing out on many non- EGRESS related parts of life, like birthdays, and weddings. It wasn't until I missed the last days I was able to have with my best friend Amy before she died that I really woke up and realized that I had missed the point. Yes, I am a musician and yes I am choosing to fight the good fight and sacrifice modern comforts to create a life that works for me and not a life I work for, but ultimately it's about the people I share it with. (Thank You for allowing me to share it with you) That was a ridiculously sober and scary realization. This eye-opening experience was further validated when our first drummer left the band and I had realized that I spent so many years being stressed about the business of running a band and making it work for everyone so we could all remain doing this, that I alienated myself from my art, my friends and from the childish part of me that took time to stop and roll around in the grass. Since then my entire focus has been on trying to create a balance and be comfortable in it. That is why this new album is so important to me. 

We entitled the album, This Way to the EGRESS' "Great Balancing Act". It really seemed to name it's self. We are all in some sense of he word doing our own "Great Balancing Act" to continue to make this music and project happen. Most members in the band are balancing their jobs and schedules with other projects as well as sacrificing personal lives and business lives. I however am focusing on balancing my inner self. Creating a balance between human and machine. Business and Art. Friend and Boss. Sound and Feeling. Surviving and Living. Social Media and true social interaction. In fact it is beautiful outside and I have stared at the computer for the last hour and 45 minutes so I am going to wrap this up so I can spend some time outside creating a balance. But before I go, I think I have discovered a proper way to say Thank You to all the fans, friends, and people who not only helped on the Kickstarterand believe in our Great Balancing Act but to all the people who have been here at one time or another along the way.

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You. Your support of EGRESS has meant the following:

~You have personally helped steer the future of music. In a sea of auto-tuned pop stars and recycled beats and riffs, you are keeping music alive by supporting the musicians and artists that are dedicating everything they've got on a more colorful further. Personally, I will record this album with every inch of my heart and soul and with every bit of fury I can muster. Fury that is worthy of your support.

Thank You.

~You have helped a person. A fellow human, continue to find a way to make a positive impact in her community. In the day and age where technology is vastly effecting the way we interact with our fellow humans, you have helped me really continue communicate, meet and exchange sincere and real engagements with people through my music, meeting them at shows, traveling, and collaborating. Also to swallow my own issues and be real with myself enough to communicate with my band mates even when it is about subjects that are less than comfortable to discuss.

Thank You.

~You have done a part in fueling an independent business, which in turn will give by fueling a local economy, by purchasing our merch and band needs from local business' and photographers etc. Going to an independent producer and not a label and keeping our rights and dollars out of corporate pockets. This is one small step towards developing a future built on things we believe in and can feel good about. Thank You.

~ You have helped a couple watched their goals of running, fronting and starting a band for their future come to life. Despite the endless hours, and literal blood sweat and tears Taylor and I have pumped into this, none of it would be feasible without people who like what we do. Thank You.

~ In a world where people say you can't. That is not realistic (even sometimes when my very own band mates say things like that) you have validated that is not true. People do care, people are listening, music and the arts matter. And if we don't keep trying and pushing boundaries than we will never get any further. You have proved that we don't need to live our lives as dictated to us but to pave our own path. And to not listen to the nay sayers. I will continue to trust my gut and not second guess the tough decisions that Taylor and I sometimes need to make. That security is difficult to find sometimes. You have helped me make those calls. Thank You 

~Sometimes in the midst of doing all of this,  when I am broke, tired, burnt out, have no time because of deadlines, wake up to lousy emails from angry people, have to juggle the band members personal lives just for basic scheduling, and have no time to do basic human things I become so over whelmed I lose sight of these beautiful things that we allaccomplish together. However YOUR SUPPORT has helped show that I need to practice a certain mount of self-care because if I burn out, there will be nothing left to give and you all deserve whatever we can muster to give back.  Thank You.

This Way to the EGRESS" Life in Pictures.

Thank You.

Thank YOU.

Love and sincerest gratitude,

Sarah 

Temporary Lapses.

I have a lot of them.  Temporary lapses that is.  Moments where I lose sight of my direction or thIngs that matters.  Where I forget to remember about friends and family and to remove my own head from my ass.  I think it is a sort of human condition.  But I am ambitious and always have been.  I cannot settle into them.  I must always look inward and be aware of my short comings, changing them and enhancing the lives and relationships around me.  

I am blogging from my phone in the back of Clarence.  We are shuttling down the highway in Alabama about to play the last show on our Act Accordionly Tour.  I could go on and on like I normally do about how much I love the road.  Or how blessed I am to have these people and friends in my life.  Or tell you about the silly things we experience along the way.  The laughing fits, the random dance parties, the picnics... Yada yada.  This run in particular the level of work and team work accomplished with the crew as set a new standard.  It has taken me longer than I would like to admit to learn how to do this right and I am finally there, but only in part b/c everyone has stepped up, bought in and saddled up. Because of that I get to spend my time, taking in the sites, sleeping in the van and planning the next adventure for EGRESS and my fams.

That being said- I am again finding myself in a state of shock as to how  amazing and supportive our fans and performer friends are!  I would like to thank Antigone, Hunter And everyone who came out in Virginia. Ken Om Crampton. Who housed us at his lovely venue and to Travis Sivart and Sounds of Steam for spreading the gospel of EGRESS.  In Nashville- Hudson K and Fable Cry for putting on amazing shows and joining the bill.  The amazing audience and their insatiable energy. And to Ichabod for being so supportive and John Panzerella (sp?) for the 3 hour there and back drive to feed us amazing home made stew.  In Dallas, the amazing amazing team that spoiled is rotten, set us up with amazingly useful goody bags, a phenomenal green room and an equally as amazing crowd.  Also to James K Blake who drove all the way up from Austin to run our merch and to Vanessa and Desha for hanging out and bringing a piece of home.  And New Orleans, amazing New Orleans, to Judith and the entire Freaksheaux to Geaux crew for joining us.  I have more fun with you folks than I can properly express in. Silly blog.  And to Thugsy da Clown for having such a refreshing view of humans and the world and so generously opened his home to us, left us his keys and towels and gave us a place to rest our bones.  And to our amazing fan some of who drove in from Mississippi to see us

Now we are crammed in the car with My favorite stowaway to date and after tonights show. like all good things, it will end but not before a dip in the couple who are housing us, pool.  

This level of support as a fully Independent DIY band is astounding and tells me I cannot stop even if I have a temporary lapse.  I have sacrificed time, money, memories and at some points relationships and worked myself at some points until I've felt I have had nothing left.  And although I have found a balance and with the help of Taylor and my band mates and best friend, life coach, and merch man Patrick things don't need to be so over whelming.  I will return from this very short trip inspired, humbled, grateful and ready to bust our asses to bring more of what we love to do to the people who love to be apart of it!

I Heart Ghostbusters and make some declarations.

Things are good.-

I have spent the last 3 weeks working on 55+ songs with Taylor to prepare for the second annual Steampunk Cruise.  We are returning for a second year and after the insane amount of snow we've had this winter I am so ready for a break to the Bahamas with a bunch of wonderful folks.  

Speaking of snow, I have gotten to spend my snow days in the company of my honey and two dear friends at the EGRESS INN.  We watched many movies, filmed a silly movie ourselves (see it here) lit tons of candles, played music, and ate awesome food for two days while the blizzard came.  It was so warm, cozy and full of love and it is just another reason why I love my present living situation.

Upon our return from the cruise, EGRESS has tons of things lined up. Some really awesome shows, a new stage show, we've begun consulting with a really, really awesome associate.  A new music video, a propaganda campaign,  a mini tour to Texas and possible a second come October to vegas (fingers crossed)

I also have been booked for my first ever solo "lady" tour. I am so excited to be traveling with three other wonderful ladies and performers. Reggie Bugmuncher will be providing the sideshow. Eyrie Twylite the Burlesque, Kristen Minskey Singer and Tap Dancer and yours truly playing her little music filled heart out.  It will be roughly about ten days- to Canada and back and it will be my third time performing out of the USA.  I am really looking forward to it. 

I have had a decent amount of recording commissions coming in and my hair flowers have been selling wonderfully at shows.  I am relatively healthy and in a beautifully healthy relationship.  It had certainly taken us a while to get here and to decide to go for it, but I am amazed every day at how sweet, supportive and loving he is and has become. It makes me want to be a better person.  Much like my experiences in the last four years.  Somewhere along the line, I became jaded, stressed and over worked and although I am living the artists life and working all of the time,.. I am keeping certain to not  take for granted the finer things in life like, friends, family, house plants and self realization.

Now if only I could kick some of these ghosts I have following me to bed every night,…… I'd be unstoppable.   I put in ghostbusters every night to help me sleep and it does help.
I've been missing some old lives, old songs, and old friends. 

Leaving The Curtains Open ~ a peeping toms history ~

I know I am supposed to be posting part 2 of the tour blog but i just had these thought rattling my brain and they shook me up inside to my core.

I just got back for a run.  Which in its self is all very new to me.  I have decided that it is good to do things that are out side your nature and things you simply don't want to do.  It builds character.  Anywho, It was a half hour jog around our neighborhood.  The sun was beginning to set and the sky was amazing and all of a sudden my brain was filled with all of these thoughts and memories and with you,.... I will now share this.  The skies of my childhood/life and the feelings they'd give me.

I grew up in a small trailer with an addition built on it, down a long dirt lane with pot holes in the middle of the pocono mountains.  There were many of us who had lived there over the years, but always and mostly it was My mom, Myself, My brother Casey and my sister Karen, and Amy.  I spent most of my youth gathered with Amy and my friends at the top of my driveway looking at the stars.  They were the best night skies.  There was little-to-none light pollution in the poconos at that time.  Me and my best friend would talk about our dreams and ideas, sort out our feelings and misunderstood youthful hormones and mostly boys.  We talked a lot about boys.  I miss her.  I miss those night skies buried in the mountain with my adulthood ahead of me and a child-like closeness with my siblings.

After the trailer, my boyfriend of many years, Josh and I moved into a little apartment in Shawnee a bit south of where I grew up but still in the poconos.  We called it the redneck compound.  We found the apt through his co-worker and our land lords lived on the massive property which also had, cows, chickens and a pack of dogs.  We live on the top of this GIANT hill called Mosers Knob Road.  There was a steep decline down the long gravel road called Rolling Rock Lane that led back to the compound and in the winter when the leaves would fall from the trees we could see the sun set miles and miles away through the trees, over the valley, into the mountains. I felt on top of the world there. Not emotionally speaking, but quite literally.  We would nurse many hang overs by ordering pizza from our favorite spot and curling up in the living room to Lord of The Rings while the sun set through the trees and sunk into the mountains.  I felt very isolated from the world which most of the time I didn't like but on those lazy sundays watching the sunset into the mountains, I was happy right there.

After Shawnee and the redneck compound I had decided that I couldn't take dirt roads anymore and I moved into East Stroudsburg with my friend Amber which unfortunately caused Josh and I to split.  We were on the third story of an apt building and I had a little music studio set up in the spare room.  Across the street was a church that had a giant neon cross that lit up the skies every night.  I would sit down at my rhodes and plunk out melodies and songs and stare at it.  I was very lost at that point in my life and it left me no comfort, in fact it made me feel dirty and like I was apart of the drug induced under belly of society.  My dad was terminally ill and back in my life after being estranged from him for 10 years. (which in its self was a head trip I could handle)  I had no clue what I was doing as an adult.  I knew I wanted to music and I wanted to get out of the poconos but I was distracted by coming to terms with the years of sorrow and anger with my father as well as facing the fact that he was dying, the mortality of my parents and myself. His girl friend- who was a saint- was really the only other help I had during that time.  I lost myself in booze and pills and I spent many nights staring at that cross.  It followed me into my dreams, like a peeping tom, one night it had spoken to me and told me I had to leave.  

I moved into the Pocono Pines with Josh's brother and a friend.  I was a bit weary about moving further onto the mountain which was further from where I wanted to be.  But it was quiet there and I was surrounded by really beautiful people that gave me lots of support through everything I was dealing with my father.  Josh and I soon reunited and he moved in.  I remember the long winters there, My friend Jay would come over and we'd listen to Beirut and drink a 12 pack and play games.  Those were the warmest winters I had since I left my moms house.  The symbolized everything that home and family was to me and my only regret was that I was too drunk to remember a lot of it.  There was a water fall across the street from my bedroom window.  I would frequently crawl outside onto the porch roof and listen to the water, play the guitar and sort myself out. Not shortly after the spring thaw, My father died. I got a call at 7 am and my heart had stopped.  It was so early and the house was quiet, I was waiting to meet with my siblings to discuss the next plan of action but  In the mean time, i crawled out onto that porch roof and watched the fog lift off of Lake Naomi  and played "No Ones Home" an acoustic guitar song that my Uncle Dennis wrote.  That song, that sky, that lake,  was the only way I made it through that morning. 

After a couple really long winters filled with great friends and hard winters I had set out to make a significant change.  I moved into my moms house in easton.  I had just joined a couple of bands, Josh and I had split for good and I had quit my day job to teach music lessons.  She has the most perfect kitchen window. The train would come through town blowing a middle C and when the leaves drop from the trees you can see the delaware river and lights from New Jersey.  I felt so close to the sea and NYC there.  It woke me up inside.  So close that one night after too much wine and a full moon reflecting off the river at me and my mom we set off with traffic our trusty pup to Sandy Hook to see the sun rise and introduce traffic to the sea!  It was one of my most favorite memories of my mom.  One i will NEVER forget and will always hold very near to me.  Shortly after I had quit drinking and soon after that, as if to test my might- a very very close member of my family, Liz was diagnosed with cancer and not but 9 months later she perished.  I remember sitting on my moms kitchen floor with a candle and a guitar looking at the moon shining through the window facing once again mortality.  About a year passed and Liz's daughter, my best friend Amy died. I knew at that point I needed to level up.  

Right about the time Amy passed away, Taylor and I had finally decided to take the leap from being simply band mates and bed fellows to genuine significant others and life partners.  We had gathered ourselves and some of the EGRESS troupe and moved into a band home by the airport on the west side of Bethlehem.  It started out with Taylor, Jaclyn, myself and Mat and not but 7 months later Mat left the band and left the house.  I remember my first night in the home, after having painted the living room listening to the planes fly over head.  I was so shell shocked at that point.  I was scared to even show excitement about this new endeavor.  For the fear it would all implode.  The skies here are amazing and the planes leave trails of glitter across the sky.  I get this funny feeling in my gut when the swoop overhead from taking off at LVAP.  Every plane filled with people.  People who have families and friends, whose friends have families and friends and the world instantly explodes into this massive bed of spiraling situations, thoughts and words.  The sunset through our upstairs bathroom window is the most colorful.  Occasionally when I time it right I will shower as the sun falls and think about my travels and all of the places I've been and All of the people I've met, all of the people that I am lucky t have and all of the People I have lost, to death, disease, addiction and even just in life.

Anywho, there it is. I hope these are the only homebound skies I see for a while. Hopefully one day someone will write about living with me, or loving me or losing me and this cycle will keep going.  The sun is down, the sky is dark and I will leave the curtains open for a peeping tom like me.

Part 1= Hometown Ghosts- PLOWS AMERICA TOUR-2013

It has officially been 10 days since we returned from our month long tour of the states.  I have been debating about this blogging process and the best means to go about it so its not too long.  I have come to realize, there is no way around it, so I have to decided to do it in week long incriments.
Week One:
If I was to be 100% honest with you all, I was hardly excited before we left.  In fact about 10 minutes into the van ride I was having a bit of a nervous breakdown in my head questioning why in the world I would be doing this. Its not that I don't love the band or my band mates and I love to travel but I hadnt had a single moment of reprieve since December and it was wearing me thin.  During the recording process it was recording then mixing EVERYDAY, then album art while in the mean time, bookings, emails, photo shoots and the like all being run solely by Taylor and Myself.  Then the album was out and it was the music video premiere party, and bookings every weekend leading up to the album release.  Then Mat quit the band, which made more immediate work for us then we could handle, but we did. We found, auditioned, and got a drummer, Chet! but he had prior arrangements for a couple of our gigs so we worked with two other of our favorite drummers, Shlomi and TeeJay.  Needless to say there was more work then any two people could handle.  Some how, we got as much of it done as we could and on August 23rd we left for our 3rd full national tour, and EGRESS PLOWED AMERICA.

We started in Delaware, Asylum 13 put together an AMAZING night, the place was packed, and we got an encore, it was the best and worst show to have first. (I only say worst because it set the bar so high that we were worried there was only one way to go from there, ha!) Afterwards we stayed in a Beautiful Home/ Mansion owned by a musician friend named Lyndon.  It was sprawling and clean, we each had our own sleeping quarters and he cooked us old fashioned apple and walnut oatmeal in the morning when we woke.  This is a shot of us and his wife.  It was the first of many tastes of the tremendous amount of support we were soon to receive along our way.  The next day we were in D.C at The Bier Baron with a friendly and enthusiastic band, The Torches and were happy to catch up with our friend Melina who was so kind and opened her home to us after the show.  The next morning was our first little haul down to Charlotte N.C.  We made it a bit before the sunset.  The venue was beautiful, it is called Petra's Piano Bar and the owner is a wonderfully supportive man, unfortunately the evening was a bit of a bust b/c it was their first pride parade in 19 years and the venue was not normally open on a sunday.  Howeer, it didnt get us down because we got to hang out with our amazing friends Valerie-- aka Miss Mousie from Hellblinki and the amazing fiddler Ian Moore.

We played in the streets, I tried my first concord grape which I searched for in every city there after and we went to rest our weary heads at Valerie's parents.  They had welcomed us back since the lat time they opened their door to us, they fed us and were so incredibly welcoming.  it's always nice to be brought into a parents home.  The next day we had a brief drive to Asheville, NC and I  have to say I was kind of expecting the show to be a bit of a bust. I was however so excited to share a bill with Skunk Ruckus and Miss Mousie, but I was like, it's Asheville on a monday? and I have to say I put my foot in my mouth.  We had a really fucking awesome time.  The bar upstairs from the venue was selling herbal tonic drinks and We played band Quizzo, which resulted in many, many laughs and crude jokes and then had a parade, and played our asses off.  Miss Mousie made me cry with her amazing voice in Dumpsters and Divebars and Skunk Ruckus was the perfect storm of balls to the wall--powerhouse tunes and we even got to catch up with the other Hellblinkis, Andrew and JP.  I think my heart grew like,,5 times bigger that night.  It was very apparent to me that I was  surrounded in love, and rich in free spirited friends with amazing talent.  As if that wasnt awesome enough, Valerie and Ian made us Falafel Waffles with all of the fixins for us to take on our way and they were AMAZING!  The crew or the "kids" as Taylor and I would frequently say,  stayed at JP's that evening and Taylor and I got a room at a hotel to ourselves. The following morning I sent him on a wild goose chase with me to find muscidine grapes which I did and then shortly after realized I was slightly allergic to them. Allergic enough for my lips to get puffy and burn and itch when I ate more then three of them but that didnt stop me.
  We left shortly after saying by to JP and we were off to Knoxville, TN.

We got to knoxville where we met up with the really sweet and awesome Lulu Skidoo from Sidecar Symposium.  We played in the streets and made some extra loot and that night we were joined for an awesome night of tunes by Sidecar Symposium and the ever mighty friends of ours, Ford Theatre Reunion.  The show was great and a really goid time, afterwards however there was an unfortunate event that took place and there was an apartment fire where we were staying that evening.  Thats about all I am going to say about that, except that we were very grateful no one was hurt and very, very sorry for the tenant whose apartment it was.  Here is a shot from after the show in this shot is SIdecar Symposium, Ford Theatre Reunion and us Egressians:

From Knoxville we went to Atlanta, GA it was wednesday the 28th, the day before Dragon Con so we weren't sure if that would work for or against us.  Unfortunately, there wasn't a great turn out at all, however The Extraordinary Contraptions joined the bill with us and were so awesome, they played their ever--loving asses off and were incredibly supportive by dancing and singing along to our songs, which made playing to a pretty empty room very, very bare able.  Afterwards, a friend of theirs named Dave, put us up in his hone and it was a really great place to get to stay. They had their own chickens and left out some eggs, garlic and a big cast iron pan for us to cook ourselves breakfast with and it was incredibly yummy.  After my breakfast settled I went upstairs to where Taylor and I slept and stole a quiet 15 minutes to myself to do some yoga.

~ These little moments on tour are little boosts to my morale and the definition of why we are doing this.  There is this whole world of folk out there that just honestly and whole-heartedly believe in supporting and keeping the arts alive.  People that actually BUY cd's and don't just rip them off the internet, people that Come out to shows, pay the door fee and then by $50 worth of merch, people that tell their friends about us, make music mixes with our music to get our name out there and then open their home too us.  People open their home to us, that is the highest compliment we can receive.  That people trust us and in what we are doing enough to allow us into their home,  sometimes even when they aren't  there.  Today there are so many challenges and I am not going to pretend that my generation has it any worse then any other generation, for everyone has had their crosses to bare, its just not easy to follow your own path as a free thinking human sometimes. especially when you have laziness, apathy and greed standing in the way of what you do.  People, society, the government sometimes even friends, family or band mates telling you that the dream you are chasing "isn't realistic."  I am not sorry to say, it is realistic. It is my reality and way of life and I am grateful for EVERY. SINGLE.  PERSON. FRIEND and FAN  that graces me with their presence and contributions and makes what I do work.  I am making it work for myself, Taylor- my love and partner, and our band of miscreants.  We played many-a-songs and planned many adventures and  Little did we know at this point in the tour  the AMAZING ups and downs that were to come.

Anywho, back to the happenings, we decided after leaving his house to busk the streets of Atlanta. There, we did INCREDIBLY well. John spotted a little nook by a building that wasn't occupied and we played for about an hour and a half and then packed up and set out for Alabama where we had a hotel for the night.  Before we begun the haul, we stopped at a grocery store where we brought in our coolers, did a shopping and then picnic-ed at the tables in the cafe area.  These little band picnics were some of my favorite times with everyone. I really felt like a family passing around the condiments, laughing at the day to day happenings, making fun of each other. I would often look over at Taylor and think to myself, we are doing so well for ourselves, Our crew is fed, you and I are organized, we have set up many adventures for everyone to have along the way and in the process we were spreading our " Mighty Seed "across the country. More to come in part 2-

Nostalgia makes the heart grow fonder. On the road- From My phone

I am not too sure how this will work out.  I am going to apologize in advance for any typos and things that just plain make no sense because I am blogging from my iPhone in the back of our band van, Clarence. Today was day 18 on the road.  I intend to properly blog the shows and happenings and the friends that have helped us along the way when I return home and I have proper use of a computer and can edit my pictures. A month long tour can be pretty epic, I simply  cannot do it from a phone in a van shuttling 70mph down route 5 in California.  So instead this will be more about my personal journey and not the matter-of-fact happenings of this tour.  

I have been in this band for almost 6 years. In those 6 years I have gotten sober, lost a mother figure to cancer,lost a best friend 3 days before my 29th birthday, i have watched someone very very close to me fall deeper into a heroin addiction, found out that someone i deeply loved wasn't making healthy choices for my emotional and at times physical well being, I my student load to 40 in 4 days at one point,  moved into a band house, lost a band mate, gained a bandmate, lost a friend and found a lover and mate, and have been on 5 tours, 3 of which were national, and sent on a cruise to Jamaica to at music.  And after all of that, today I found myself getting weepy leaving San Francisco.  

Ya see, growing up in a small town I had a pack of friends and I do mean pack.  We spent many days at a time together and sometimes even lived on each others couches.  There is one friend that is now my longest kept friend. Mike. <3 

Together we have said goodbye to too many friends and have put both many miles on this friendship and many physical miles between us.  He lives in Oakland and he put us up for the last two days we were out there and it was the closest I have felt to home since I've left the east coast.  Don't get me wrong I love my band family and Taylor is not only my boyfriend and companion but also my friend but Mike has known me since I was 13 and he gives the best hugs.  I am 30 now so that's  17years of growing, laughing, fighting, and saying goodbye to too many people.  I realized quickly that I had been missing that kind of friendship.  That unconditional love and protection.  That age that weathers a friendship into some who knows you and trusts you to their core. All of The inside jokes, the old memories, experiences, discussions, and changes create a certain sense of connection. 

I think it's easy, easy to let work or bills, ambition or lovers to get in the way of keeping those genuine connections strong.  I have been so occupied by this band and my ambition that I have missed birthdays, phone calls, and opportunities to catch up with people and friends I have had for a long time.  I have made many, many, many wonderful friends through this band. some fellow performers some not, and I am not giving them any less merit or saying they are any less valuable.  I'm just saying that the deep love and connection between me and my dear old friend, has made me want to nurture more of the connections I have in my life.  I have a very unfortunate tendency to become preoccupied by the things I am trying to accomplish for myself and my band mates.  Ya, see co-running a band, especially with your life partner is much like having a family.  Everything we do in the band to further the band, is to provide myself and everyone else the opportunity, to travel, create, perform and potentially make it more of a living for everyone. ESPECIALLY being on the road, we have to make sure all expenses are paid, the troupes are happy or at the very least content so that it is worth it for everyone.  The stress of having to push forward a business (in a sense) to not just provide for yourself and your lover but for four others you care about can be stressful and at times scary and that stress can be distracting from the other things that are happening around you.  

There are certain things I am going to implement into and out of my life when I return home and one will be improving the relationships I have in my life.  To try to live less guarded and be more open.  To not compare myself to others accomplishments, and when I falter and I do,... I will think of Mike, and my mom, my sister and my dear deceased friend Amy, and think of the very strengths and pretty things they see in me and use that as a reflection of who I am and what I can give to the people that choose to bless me, by being in my life. 

Nostalgia certainly makes the heart grow fonder and my memories and friends  keep me warm and are a reminder of what it is that really makes my life worth living.  Thank you to whom ever of you who may have read this. Thank you for being interested in what a humble little musician might have to say. Now go tell your friends and family you love them and if you don't have any, then know I love you. xo