You Never Know. November.

There are some things in life you never know.

like the exact moment you'll expire. Or when the ones you love will expire for that matter.
or like why truly crazy people really do crazy things.
another one is, why you didn't know better when you felt should have.

Out of all of the things we'll never know I take comfort in the the things I absolutely do know.
Like music. My whole family has it. Music as the beast that lulls me to sleep and gives me purpose everyday. Eating well. Avoiding processed and fried food to feel human. No good ever comes from it. Or yoga, the one place where I am completely alone and a part of everything at the same time. Or my dog, who adopted me and gives me a motherly purpose. Or my boyfriend who came to me masked in friendship, musicianship and a couple of years of complete insanity to develop in one of the deepest human relationships I know. Or my friends some of who are passed away. Some of who are far away and some of who are sitting in the room with me at this very moment. Or my mom, My best friend of all. Or the fact that i miss my father and my Amy and my Liz everyday. Or that I wonder what it would have been like to have grandparents. Or the fact that Taylor's parents are some of the sweetest supportive extended family I have ever known. Or my siblings, who at times seem like we are a part of different worlds forged from the same wood. or the ocean and that it calls me home every time. Or the city, where I feel like I am gently hovering above the atmosphere soaring above the city lights which lull me to the most amazing pastimes.  These things I know.

I also know that sitting here on recording day 10 I am having a hard time putting things into perspective. This process is almost over. It has been a dreary, rainy day and the song we recorded today is a sober ballad that pull at my deepest heart strings. I love city. I love this entire process. I don't want it to end but at the same time I am so inspired I can not wait to get home and start some new things.  I am not sure I will ever know some things but I do know that this blog cannot properly contain the amount of inspiration, gratitude and quietness tis is resting in my heart. I felt it in my root chakra. I felt it in my bowels. I knew it before I could explain it. I am not a number. I am not a consumer. I am a person. I explain my existence through art, music and improving my community the best ways I know how. And it's ok if you don't understand. It's ok if you don't approve. because I do.
That I do know. That I will always know.
(I have not poof read this, I am sorry.)