You Never Know. November.

There are some things in life you never know.

like the exact moment you'll expire. Or when the ones you love will expire for that matter.
or like why truly crazy people really do crazy things.
another one is, why you didn't know better when you felt should have.

Out of all of the things we'll never know I take comfort in the the things I absolutely do know.
Like music. My whole family has it. Music as the beast that lulls me to sleep and gives me purpose everyday. Eating well. Avoiding processed and fried food to feel human. No good ever comes from it. Or yoga, the one place where I am completely alone and a part of everything at the same time. Or my dog, who adopted me and gives me a motherly purpose. Or my boyfriend who came to me masked in friendship, musicianship and a couple of years of complete insanity to develop in one of the deepest human relationships I know. Or my friends some of who are passed away. Some of who are far away and some of who are sitting in the room with me at this very moment. Or my mom, My best friend of all. Or the fact that i miss my father and my Amy and my Liz everyday. Or that I wonder what it would have been like to have grandparents. Or the fact that Taylor's parents are some of the sweetest supportive extended family I have ever known. Or my siblings, who at times seem like we are a part of different worlds forged from the same wood. or the ocean and that it calls me home every time. Or the city, where I feel like I am gently hovering above the atmosphere soaring above the city lights which lull me to the most amazing pastimes.  These things I know.

I also know that sitting here on recording day 10 I am having a hard time putting things into perspective. This process is almost over. It has been a dreary, rainy day and the song we recorded today is a sober ballad that pull at my deepest heart strings. I love city. I love this entire process. I don't want it to end but at the same time I am so inspired I can not wait to get home and start some new things.  I am not sure I will ever know some things but I do know that this blog cannot properly contain the amount of inspiration, gratitude and quietness tis is resting in my heart. I felt it in my root chakra. I felt it in my bowels. I knew it before I could explain it. I am not a number. I am not a consumer. I am a person. I explain my existence through art, music and improving my community the best ways I know how. And it's ok if you don't understand. It's ok if you don't approve. because I do.
That I do know. That I will always know.
(I have not poof read this, I am sorry.)

Breathless, Senseless and out of Words. Thank You.

I have sat on the idea of writing this blog since we reached more than a quarter of our  Kickstarter goal for recording our new album in the first 8 hours. I have been reluctant to start it because I have found I have been at a loss for words. Somehow solely saying  Thank You doesn't feel worthy enough. How can I properly express to you, and our fans what your belief in our music does for me as a person, a woman, a musician and a human? So, here I am giving this another try. (And, THANK YOU.)

I often have friends tell me that I should write a book or some memoirs. That the experiences I have lived in my life, people would be interested in hearing. That it would make a good film or TV drama. It's weird to hear, because frankly sometimes I wonder why anyone would be interested at all. That thought doesn't come from a place of insecurity or low self-esteem but from a place where I realize that there are millions of people in this world with stories of their own. Our stories aren't special, it's what those stories inspire us to become.  Perhaps one day I'll tell you about my life growing up in a family of musicians, not having roots for many years, my battles with drugs and alcohol, or the multiple deaths that bring me tears even as I type this. Until that day, I am just going to speak about the aspects in which most of you know me - my place and experience in This Way to the EGRESS.  (and btw, Thank You)

Photo Credit: Matt Blum of Lightly Salted Photos

Almost 7 years ago, after my father died,  I left my hometown in hopes to leave my demons behind me and find a sort of new musical family. That is when I met Taylor. The second I met him I knew that we needed to be working together. It was rather cosmic really, I couldn't explain it, I just felt as though I had already knew him. Never once when I met him did the thought enter my mind that he would also become one of my best friends and life partner and that over time it would grow to be one of the most functional personal relationships I'd ever have AND get to share my passion for music and our band with someone who means this much to me. Through out the life of EGRESS we have had many faces come and go. Not only in members but also in friends that took an active role in the development and support of EGRESS. It is amazing to me how every. single. one of them have a piece of my heart, very specific memories I carry of them and how their time with me in this project has molded me into who I am now. (Thank You)

See, I had been in many other projects prior to EGRESS but none of them had taught me the amount of self-awareness that you need to make a creative project work with so many other people. In the last year alone the band has gone through some major transitions. Ones that have majorly molded the sound of the new album and the dialog and relationships between all of us. Monumental changes that sometimes blur the lines between friend and band mate but changes that  have ultimately made me look deeper into myself and discover what foot print I am trying to leave. In the beginning of the band I had no understanding of balance. I was so ambitious that I ended up missing out on many non- EGRESS related parts of life, like birthdays, and weddings. It wasn't until I missed the last days I was able to have with my best friend Amy before she died that I really woke up and realized that I had missed the point. Yes, I am a musician and yes I am choosing to fight the good fight and sacrifice modern comforts to create a life that works for me and not a life I work for, but ultimately it's about the people I share it with. (Thank You for allowing me to share it with you) That was a ridiculously sober and scary realization. This eye-opening experience was further validated when our first drummer left the band and I had realized that I spent so many years being stressed about the business of running a band and making it work for everyone so we could all remain doing this, that I alienated myself from my art, my friends and from the childish part of me that took time to stop and roll around in the grass. Since then my entire focus has been on trying to create a balance and be comfortable in it. That is why this new album is so important to me. 

We entitled the album, This Way to the EGRESS' "Great Balancing Act". It really seemed to name it's self. We are all in some sense of he word doing our own "Great Balancing Act" to continue to make this music and project happen. Most members in the band are balancing their jobs and schedules with other projects as well as sacrificing personal lives and business lives. I however am focusing on balancing my inner self. Creating a balance between human and machine. Business and Art. Friend and Boss. Sound and Feeling. Surviving and Living. Social Media and true social interaction. In fact it is beautiful outside and I have stared at the computer for the last hour and 45 minutes so I am going to wrap this up so I can spend some time outside creating a balance. But before I go, I think I have discovered a proper way to say Thank You to all the fans, friends, and people who not only helped on the Kickstarterand believe in our Great Balancing Act but to all the people who have been here at one time or another along the way.

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You. Your support of EGRESS has meant the following:

~You have personally helped steer the future of music. In a sea of auto-tuned pop stars and recycled beats and riffs, you are keeping music alive by supporting the musicians and artists that are dedicating everything they've got on a more colorful further. Personally, I will record this album with every inch of my heart and soul and with every bit of fury I can muster. Fury that is worthy of your support.

Thank You.

~You have helped a person. A fellow human, continue to find a way to make a positive impact in her community. In the day and age where technology is vastly effecting the way we interact with our fellow humans, you have helped me really continue communicate, meet and exchange sincere and real engagements with people through my music, meeting them at shows, traveling, and collaborating. Also to swallow my own issues and be real with myself enough to communicate with my band mates even when it is about subjects that are less than comfortable to discuss.

Thank You.

~You have done a part in fueling an independent business, which in turn will give by fueling a local economy, by purchasing our merch and band needs from local business' and photographers etc. Going to an independent producer and not a label and keeping our rights and dollars out of corporate pockets. This is one small step towards developing a future built on things we believe in and can feel good about. Thank You.

~ You have helped a couple watched their goals of running, fronting and starting a band for their future come to life. Despite the endless hours, and literal blood sweat and tears Taylor and I have pumped into this, none of it would be feasible without people who like what we do. Thank You.

~ In a world where people say you can't. That is not realistic (even sometimes when my very own band mates say things like that) you have validated that is not true. People do care, people are listening, music and the arts matter. And if we don't keep trying and pushing boundaries than we will never get any further. You have proved that we don't need to live our lives as dictated to us but to pave our own path. And to not listen to the nay sayers. I will continue to trust my gut and not second guess the tough decisions that Taylor and I sometimes need to make. That security is difficult to find sometimes. You have helped me make those calls. Thank You 

~Sometimes in the midst of doing all of this,  when I am broke, tired, burnt out, have no time because of deadlines, wake up to lousy emails from angry people, have to juggle the band members personal lives just for basic scheduling, and have no time to do basic human things I become so over whelmed I lose sight of these beautiful things that we allaccomplish together. However YOUR SUPPORT has helped show that I need to practice a certain mount of self-care because if I burn out, there will be nothing left to give and you all deserve whatever we can muster to give back.  Thank You.

This Way to the EGRESS" Life in Pictures.

Thank You.

Thank YOU.

Love and sincerest gratitude,

Sarah 

Temporary Lapses.

I have a lot of them.  Temporary lapses that is.  Moments where I lose sight of my direction or thIngs that matters.  Where I forget to remember about friends and family and to remove my own head from my ass.  I think it is a sort of human condition.  But I am ambitious and always have been.  I cannot settle into them.  I must always look inward and be aware of my short comings, changing them and enhancing the lives and relationships around me.  

I am blogging from my phone in the back of Clarence.  We are shuttling down the highway in Alabama about to play the last show on our Act Accordionly Tour.  I could go on and on like I normally do about how much I love the road.  Or how blessed I am to have these people and friends in my life.  Or tell you about the silly things we experience along the way.  The laughing fits, the random dance parties, the picnics... Yada yada.  This run in particular the level of work and team work accomplished with the crew as set a new standard.  It has taken me longer than I would like to admit to learn how to do this right and I am finally there, but only in part b/c everyone has stepped up, bought in and saddled up. Because of that I get to spend my time, taking in the sites, sleeping in the van and planning the next adventure for EGRESS and my fams.

That being said- I am again finding myself in a state of shock as to how  amazing and supportive our fans and performer friends are!  I would like to thank Antigone, Hunter And everyone who came out in Virginia. Ken Om Crampton. Who housed us at his lovely venue and to Travis Sivart and Sounds of Steam for spreading the gospel of EGRESS.  In Nashville- Hudson K and Fable Cry for putting on amazing shows and joining the bill.  The amazing audience and their insatiable energy. And to Ichabod for being so supportive and John Panzerella (sp?) for the 3 hour there and back drive to feed us amazing home made stew.  In Dallas, the amazing amazing team that spoiled is rotten, set us up with amazingly useful goody bags, a phenomenal green room and an equally as amazing crowd.  Also to James K Blake who drove all the way up from Austin to run our merch and to Vanessa and Desha for hanging out and bringing a piece of home.  And New Orleans, amazing New Orleans, to Judith and the entire Freaksheaux to Geaux crew for joining us.  I have more fun with you folks than I can properly express in. Silly blog.  And to Thugsy da Clown for having such a refreshing view of humans and the world and so generously opened his home to us, left us his keys and towels and gave us a place to rest our bones.  And to our amazing fan some of who drove in from Mississippi to see us

Now we are crammed in the car with My favorite stowaway to date and after tonights show. like all good things, it will end but not before a dip in the couple who are housing us, pool.  

This level of support as a fully Independent DIY band is astounding and tells me I cannot stop even if I have a temporary lapse.  I have sacrificed time, money, memories and at some points relationships and worked myself at some points until I've felt I have had nothing left.  And although I have found a balance and with the help of Taylor and my band mates and best friend, life coach, and merch man Patrick things don't need to be so over whelming.  I will return from this very short trip inspired, humbled, grateful and ready to bust our asses to bring more of what we love to do to the people who love to be apart of it!

I Heart Ghostbusters and make some declarations.

Things are good.-

I have spent the last 3 weeks working on 55+ songs with Taylor to prepare for the second annual Steampunk Cruise.  We are returning for a second year and after the insane amount of snow we've had this winter I am so ready for a break to the Bahamas with a bunch of wonderful folks.  

Speaking of snow, I have gotten to spend my snow days in the company of my honey and two dear friends at the EGRESS INN.  We watched many movies, filmed a silly movie ourselves (see it here) lit tons of candles, played music, and ate awesome food for two days while the blizzard came.  It was so warm, cozy and full of love and it is just another reason why I love my present living situation.

Upon our return from the cruise, EGRESS has tons of things lined up. Some really awesome shows, a new stage show, we've begun consulting with a really, really awesome associate.  A new music video, a propaganda campaign,  a mini tour to Texas and possible a second come October to vegas (fingers crossed)

I also have been booked for my first ever solo "lady" tour. I am so excited to be traveling with three other wonderful ladies and performers. Reggie Bugmuncher will be providing the sideshow. Eyrie Twylite the Burlesque, Kristen Minskey Singer and Tap Dancer and yours truly playing her little music filled heart out.  It will be roughly about ten days- to Canada and back and it will be my third time performing out of the USA.  I am really looking forward to it. 

I have had a decent amount of recording commissions coming in and my hair flowers have been selling wonderfully at shows.  I am relatively healthy and in a beautifully healthy relationship.  It had certainly taken us a while to get here and to decide to go for it, but I am amazed every day at how sweet, supportive and loving he is and has become. It makes me want to be a better person.  Much like my experiences in the last four years.  Somewhere along the line, I became jaded, stressed and over worked and although I am living the artists life and working all of the time,.. I am keeping certain to not  take for granted the finer things in life like, friends, family, house plants and self realization.

Now if only I could kick some of these ghosts I have following me to bed every night,…… I'd be unstoppable.   I put in ghostbusters every night to help me sleep and it does help.
I've been missing some old lives, old songs, and old friends.